Where's the Line?

We went to church on Sundays. Twice.We didn't lie. At least we weren't supposed to. We finished the food on our plates because we had first-hand experience with starving children. We did what our parents asked.

That was it. The line was there. In black permanent marker on a crisp white sheet of paper.

It was easy to follow because there wasn't any other choice, and I'm thankful for that.

But today, as an "adult" living in America. Where is the line? Its muddled between lying to get yourself out of trouble and cheating to make a grade to earn a scholarship.

I'm caught in a battle between what I think Jesus would literally do, and what I want to do because it seems right for me in the situation. The world is constantly changing the rules on what's ok and what's not, on who's ok to marry and who's not, on what age to start having sex and where the best place to get an abortion is.

Its stressful and frustrating and exhausting going against the grain and trying to read the gray area and doing my best to be in the world but not of the world. Its hard to keep the world's agenda separate from my own and sometimes I fail.

Sometimes its easier to not do devotions because I would rather watch TV, or to skip church because I've had a busy week, or to tell a white lie to a complete stranger to make myself sound better that I am ("Why yes, I am a model!" Ok, so that's never been an issue).

But in a world where others look up to you (or down on you) because of your faith, I sometimes prefer anonymity. I struggle with God's call to live a life holy and pleasing and transparent because I'm not good at it and I don't want to steer others away from faith based on my own downfalls.

I feel like the world is screaming at me and God's voice is a whisper. I know faith isn't supposed to be easy, but does it have to be so dang hard sometimes? And I don't even have it half as bad as so many persecuted brothers and sisters. It's easy to let God's voice get lost in the shuffle.

I feel like it would be simpler to be my own version of a monk: Christian, and I don't have to shave my head.

I want to love the unlovable and I want to show mercy to those who need it and I want to be a light but there are so many opinions and thoughts and people judging and obstacles and the devil is doing a great job at destroying the world and its hard.

In a society where the monetary agenda is more important than that of human life, its hard to stay on track. Its a daily task to tell myself to stick with the life I'm called to live. It won't always be right, it promises to be challenging, I'll be asking for forgiveness daily, and I know others do and will judge me, but God is the only one who should be telling me how to spend my time. I know He'll never steer me wrong nor condemn me for being sinful. He already sent his Son for that.

So if you see me squinting my eyes and straining my neck, I'm trying to hear God's whisper in a world full of yelling. I'm trying to find the line.

My heart cries out for You, O Lord. Give me the strength to say what needs to be said and to stay silent when Your presence is enough. Show me how to live a life pleasing to You despite my many shortcomings. Help me lead others to You through every thing I do, every day. Even when I don't want to. And give me the strength to not slap those who annoy me.