This isn't some crap New Year's resolution that's going to get dropped in a week. This means a lot to me and it's something I've been struggling with and striving for and will continue to do so; it's just happening to come to your attention at the beginning of the year.

I've been trying to wade through what our society tells us is beautiful. I go to the mall or flip through Insta and every single person looks exactly the same. Top bun. Blanket scarf. Criss-cross neckline. Those stupid, duck-looking lace up boots that belong in the Alaskan wilderness and not running from your overpriced Suburban into Target.

The truth is we are worth so much more than the shape of our eyebrows or whether or not we've lost that last ten pounds of baby weight. But you already know that, right?

We have integrity, we have grit, we have charisma. We have internal beauty. But that all gets drowned out by the constant need to buy the latest outfit fad or have the newest palette of nude eye shadow.

If you're honest with yourself, how  much time do you spend getting ready in the morning? How much money do you think you spend getting your hair to sit just right, or making sure you fully cover that single pimple that's graced your chin?

This article is a little outdated (and from the UK) but it says the average woman spends $15,000 in her lifetime on makeup. Just makeup. Not razors or shampoo or mousse or dry shampoo or nail polish or waxing.... Like I said though, a little outdated. I feel like it might be more now.

This article gives examples of women who spend anywhere from $10k to $20k a year. A YEAR. just on how they look on the outside. Now granted, they live a more lavish lifestyle than the average bear, but you get the point.

I feel like most normal women fall somewhere in the cracks of these two numbers.

Ok, does that give you a little bit of perspective?

Now, how much time, effort and money do you think you spend a day doing devotions? Reading a book? Building up the parts of you that no one can necessarily see as they pass by?

If you're honest with yourself it can be kind of scary to compare the two. It was for me.

Living in the town that I do, there's definitely a stigma around what "a wife" is supposed to look like, what car she's supposed to drive, how she's supposed to dress for church, and what her kids are supposed to portray to the rest of the world.

I know so many beautiful women, truly stunning, who are so lost. They're searching so desperately for meaning in their lives because they haven't found it in the mirror or in those size two jeans like that magazine promised they would. That breaks my heart

But I have to be honest with you, I found myself falling into that same trap. I wanted to fit in; I wanted to have my nails done, get my roots touched up, buy that more expensive make-up, spend that extra money so my house would look, smell, feel just right. Have that body.

But the further I walked down this road the more I realized that it didn't have a destination. It would keep going forever. And I was so empty.

If I continued, I would continually be pouring time, money, energy, and every good bit of my soul into a chasm that would continue to take and give nothing in return.

The worst part is I let my relationship with my Maker fall to the wayside. I was too busy focusing on the outside to remember the inside. And it was breaking me.

"He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken." Psalm 62:6

Through some difficult encounters God called me back; He showed me the path I was heading down and He made me realize that it was not worth the fight. He's already won that battle for me; why the crap would I struggle through something that's already been overcome?

Before you go and crucify me for saying that I don't think women should take care of themselves on the outside, stop. I fully and completely support taking care of yourself. Go to the gym, buy that make-up, do your hair. Make yourself feel beautiful.

Heck, I just watched a 20 minute YouTube make-up tutorial for fun (though I'll never attempt to achieve that look, no patience).

I'm just saying, asking, pleading with you, make sure you're putting just as much stock into what brings you peace.

Make sure you're learning to see the value of the person behind the eyes, not just the face in the mirror. Make sure you're finding time to pray, to devote to one-on-one time with the One who's ever-so-patiently waiting for you to turn back to Him, make sure you're not wasting your life, money, happiness away on things that are so fickle as making sure you drive the right vehicle.

There are so many more important things in life. So many more things that will bring you true joy.

Learn how to balance both inner an outer beauty, and keep in mind that if you're happy with who you are on the inside, it's going to translate into a beauty that shines through in every area of your life that no amount of highlighter or eye shadow could ever achieve.