Micah Allen: Spring After Winter
Spring. My favorite season; in nature and in life. Both our babies were born in the spring, I don’t think that’s a coincidence. God’s timing is never coincidence.
It’s been almost exactly a year since I’ve blogged. Writing is a passion of mine, but I haven’t had anything to say. We’ve been walking through a season of winter over the last year. Between two back-to-back miscarriages last summer and a very mentally and emotionally trying pregnancy right after, life felt a little bleak.
Even still, God’s goodness broke through the dark skies of that season in ways I wasn’t expecting. Like a soft winter snow falling, it was cold and heavy, but oh so beautiful at the same time. These times are hard to walk through, but they stir a new desire to grow and bloom when the light at the end of the tunnel dawns.
I felt the warmth of that light when he got here. His first cry melted me. Spring had come. Oh Micah, what joy you’ve brought to my broken heart.
The last several weeks of my pregnancy I was going in weekly for a non-stress test and a biophysical profile (ultrasound) just to make sure that in case what happened with Corrie would happen again, we could hopefully catch it earlier. While that was reassuring to know everything was going well, it added to the feeling that I was holding my breath the entire pregnancy. Will the other shoe drop? Will we ever meet this sweet baby? I know God is good and His plan is always better, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy.
During one of these ultrasounds, some of the signs they look for weren’t as great as they had wanted them to be, so long story short my doctor decided instead of monitoring me for the next six days until our scheduled date, we were going to move up the C-section to that afternoon.
I texted my mom to head to our house and called Paul to come to the hospital and we got ready to meet our baby (gender unknown!).
In the weeks leading up to his birth we thought we had a girl name and a boy name picked out, but about a week before he was born, I decided I hated them both (hormones?!). Though we tried, we couldn’t come up with names that would stick. We prayed God would give us wisdom to pick the name He had already chosen for our baby and a name that would fit him.
About a minute after he was born as I was watching them check him over and clean him up (still so happy to finally know “baby” was a BOY!) I said to myself, “His name is Micah.”
As far as I remember, Paul and I had never discussed that name and it wasn’t on either of our lists. I told Paul a little while later he looked it up. Micah means, “Who is like the Lord?”
Micah’s due date was May 16. His scheduled C-section was May 9. He was born on May 3. May 3 of last year we found out we had lost our third baby. Exactly one year later my fears, insecurities, and doubt surrounding this whole pregnancy were put to rest with God’s incredible timing and a beautiful, healthy baby boy.
While I’m not naïve enough to believe I won’t worry about him with the residual anxiety that persists from Corrie’s birth and his pregnancy, I also feel an overwhelming peace and a deep joy that I know can only come from one Source. Who is like the Lord, indeed? His mercies are new every morning. His compassions never fail. In my doubts and questions He showed up and carried me and brought Micah into our lives at just the right time.
Spring is my favorite season. His birth has confirmed that yet again. It’s also confirmed what I already knew to be true but what may have gotten lost behind the darkness of winter: God is always good. In the hard, the messy, the wonderful. He is always good. While I don’t think we need hard seasons to remember His goodness or to draw near to Him, I know in my own experience they certainly remind me I can’t do this life alone.