A different approach to a New Year's resolution

This is a relatively new habit for me—picking a word and a verse for the year—and one I’m still trying to cultivate successfully. For 2019, my word was surrender. When we started out the year, that meant surrendering my desire to start a family until it was in God’s timing for our lives, as the year progressed it meant surrendering my own doubts, frustrations, and hard feelings about family situations, work situations, and life situations. And as we wrap up 2019, it means intentionally surrendering my fears about the little one growing within me. It means surrendering my expectations for those around me, and it means surrendering my heart more fully to the One who created it.

It was a good word for me. One I’m certain I could keep for years to come and continuously learn from. One I’m sure we could all use a little more of in our lives.

But as we turn the corner on 2019 and look towards 2020, I feel a stirring in my heart to prepare for something new. I’m thrilled to see where this year leads.

I’m kind of a skeptic when it comes to setting resolutions for the new year. After all, what real difference is there from December 31 to January 1 besides the flip of a calendar? We’re the same people. We have the same fears, the same desires, the same sinful nature we’ve always had. What makes the new year such a beacon for people to turn to when they want to turn their lives around? I’m not sure. And I know most all the resolutions I have attempted to make have failed. So picking a word and a verse for me is more of a way to try to center my heart as the year progresses. I’m not aiming to be a new person January 1, or to suddenly kick my devotional life into high gear and commit to three hours a day in prayer. I’m trying simply to be more intentional with how I approach my life and the throne - doing so in a way that I hope will bring me closer to the heart of Jesus and further from the desires of my flesh which are constantly vying for my attention (and let’s be honest, that often win).

How I chose a verse and a word

This is something I tried not to take lightly. I want a word and a verse that I can carry with me hopefully daily as a reminder of not only God’s goodness, but my desperate daily need for Him and what He offers through His Son. I also wanted my choices to align with struggles I have in my own heart that I know I need to work on—areas where I’m weak and where it might hurt to let the light shine a little brighter. Those are the places I need the most help. The places I don’t want anyone to see, the painful areas of my heart where I wish I were better or I pretend I have it together.

Digging in to find those areas isn’t the easiest thing I’ve ever done. I can’t say I love rooting in the dark and pulling up the dregs of my struggles. It would be easier to work on something I feel I’ve already cultivated to a certain extent. While I know each area of my heart needs work and will not be whole this side of Heaven, there are some areas I feel I’m stronger in than others.

But if I’m going to put in the effort, I want to really put in the effort. I want to bare my soul to my Savior on the daily, even though it’s painful and even though it can be embarrassing. Because at the end of the day, doesn’t He already know everything anyway?

Romans 14:13

“Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother.” Romans 14:13 ESV

The whole of Romans 14 is great instruction for my life, personally. Something I’ve been desperately needing to work on is lowering my pre-set expectations of others. I struggle when someone doesn’t react to a situation or respond to a gesture in the way I would or the way I think they should. I find myself harshly expecting them to fit a mold that they have no business fitting - a mold of my own design.

It’s really been tugging at my heart for the last few weeks (maybe months, actually) that I need to surrender these expectations of others, and I need to do a better job of loving them where they are. After all, I can’t see their hearts.

That’s not to say I’m going to brush off sinful behavior or play it off as “well, that’s their truth,” but I am going to work hard to remember the grace that God has so graciously extended me when I fall short with every single breath, and do my best to reflect even a hint of that grace to others.

It’s hard to admit our own failures and our own shortcomings, and this is no exception. But I feel like there’s freedom in honesty and strength in community, and that’s what I’m hoping to build here. I have so, so much to work on, and this small area of my life is one I’ve prayed over and one I hope will positively impact those I come in contact with.

“We must learn to regard people less in the light of what they do or omit to do, and more in the light of what they suffer.” — Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Ponder

These are the two definitions from Dictionary.com

verb (used without object): to consider something deeply and thoroughly; meditate (often followed by over or upon).

verb (used with object): to weigh carefully in the mind; consider thoughtfully.

I’ve been so distracted lately. By social media, things on my to-do list, worries about a new baby, and so much else. This coming year, my hope is to spend my time more intentionally. I want to listen intentionally when sitting with friends. I want to think more about books I’m reading. I want to slow down and understand why I reach for my phone when I’m bored instead of reaching for something more productive. I want to ponder. I want to think deeper. I want to be more present in this life instead of rushing to whatever the “next thing” might be. Because I don’t want to miss out on the small, daily opportunities we have to teach, to learn. to impact, or to be impacted.

These are my prayers for this coming year and hopefully all the years beyond. I want to be more gracious with those close to me and more intentional with where I find myself spending time. I want to honor God in my public actions but also strive to do so in my private thoughts.

Do you have intentional goals for 2020? I’d love to hear them! I’d also love to hear why you chose those goals or that verse!