Where to even start? This first year has been refining, to say the least. While I don’t think anyone can truly prepare you for the joy and struggle that is motherhood, I do want to be honest and frank about my experience in hopes of better preparing those who are coming behind me.

You need help

If you know me at all, you know I’m not gifted when it comes to asking for help. I’m rather quite stunted in that area. But if I had to give just one piece of advice to new moms it would be to make sure you have a support system set up before that bundle of pooping, crying, snotty joy arrives. This could include anyone from in-home help, to your family, to a group from church. Whatever your support system looks like is up to you, I’d just highly recommend cultivating a group of people you can lean on when it gets hard, because as joyful as being a mom is, it’s also VERY hard.

You’ll probably want to quit the first three months

Let’s be real, those first three months are hard for everyone. Your poor baby is just trying to figure out what the heck is happening, and you’re doing the same. Sleep isn’t normal, eating isn’t normal, if you’re breastfeeding that takes a lot of time, patience, and tears. Just remember, you were given that baby because you are the best mom for the job. You can do it. Have patience with yourself and, as someone who just went through all that, it does get better. Your hormones will even out and it will get easier.

Don’t sleep when they sleep - teach them how to sleep at the right time

I know some people think it’s a badge of honor to say how tired they are, but I frankly think that’s stupid. It’s not good for you and it’s not doing your baby any favors. Wouldn’t you rather be rested and ready to take on each morning? If you have the means (or ask for it for a baby shower gift!) my husband and I would both highly recommend investing in a sleep course.

Just think about it - your baby has no idea what’s going on. They’re not going to automatically know that at night, they’re supposed to sleep because it’s good for them. They’ll learn eventually, yes. But who wants to wait to eventually sleep through the night again when you could teach them now and be sleeping through the night sooner than later?

For reference, we did a sleep program with Corrie when she was 10 weeks old (after we fixed her reflux, that’s a whole other drama), and she was mostly sleeping through the night by 12 weeks. I say mostly because she no longer got up to eat, but we did have to help her find her pacifier a few times.

You might hate your spouse a little bit, but you’ll probably love them a whole lot more

I can’t stress enough how big of a change it’s going to create in your marriage when you add a child. Paul and I had been married for seven years before Corrie, so adding another life to that dynamic took a lot of adjusting, and we’re still adjusting. It’s really easy to get stuck in your own head and make your spouse out to be the bad guy when they’re not following your inner narrative (just me? ok). If you find your hormones out of whack, you’re sleep deprived, and the baby is crying, it’s easy to point that frustration in the direction of your spouse and I did do that too many times, but it’s not their fault, and they’re just as confused as you are (who is this woman I’m now married to who cries every five minutes?!).

Take a beat, take a breath, take a walk. Have some grace. This too shall pass. And then you’ll look up from the fog and see your baby prefers your spouse to you because he’s done such a good job of loving on her and making her feel like the center of the world, and you’ll realize he’s actually pretty amazing.

Just say no

Don’t want those people to stop over? Don’t want to commit to a committee when you’re newly postpartum? Too hard to make supper and you just want your husband to do it? (hehe) Really tho, it’s ok to say no. It’s ok to prioritize your baby and your family. “Self care” is such a buzz word/phrase, but when it comes to making sure you can put one foot in front of the other for your family, you do need to prioritize yourself and your health.

Did I mention you need help?

Just making sure you heard me. If your MIL offers to come over and watch the baby so you can go for a walk, I encourage you to immediately say yes and wait by the door for her to show up :)

It’s ok to cry

I feel my emotions very deeply anyway, but I found I did a LOT of crying in those first few months. Your body is going through so many dang changes, don’t be so hard on yourself. Let those tears fall, even it’s just because there aren’t any chocolate chips left and that’s all you wanted to eat.

What postpartum lessons have you learned or been learning? How can you reach behind and help another mother out? I’d love to hear your advice in the comments! We’re only a year into this parenthood thing and we need all the help we can get :)